Home for the Holidays?

You spend all this time in therapy. You do "the work" only to become completely unraveled after a visit home for the holidays. Why is this such a common occurrence and how do you limit the chances of it reoccurring?   Well for many, going home, especially during the holidays can be stressful in it of itself just through travel logistics alone. Then throw in family dynamics, lack of routine and limited self care all into the mix. In general, going home can sometimes lead to feelings of regression or slipping back into old patterns. Those patterns could be suddenly losing the ability to draw any boundaries, the inability to limit foods/drinks that don't feel good for you or finding yourself unconsciously reacting to others in old ways.   

As stressful as this is, it can also be an opportunity, given enough time before your travels to plan out ways to continue to take care of yourself or even after the event to reflect.  We often need weight to build muscle and in terms of emotional health, that weight tends to be stressful events. We often need stressful events to have the chance to work on new ways of behaving, thinking or believing.    

Even though it might feel like going against the grain, identifying and sticking to a self care plan before going into the holidays can limit the impact you might otherwise feel. This could mean planning some daily structure in which you can be alone whether that becomes a morning walk, meditating before you go to sleep or being the person that volunteers to run last minute errands (that gives you time and space outside). It could mean identifying your potential triggers and deciding what boundaries you could set around them. It's important to remember your baseline and control what you can about the factors that most affect you (i.e. sleep, movement, eating/drinking in ways that feel good for you, limiting stressors and moments of mindfulness).  After you return home, it can be equally important to reflect on what felt the most difficult and why. 

Family systems theory states that when one person of the system (or family) changes, it has the ability to shift all other parts (or people). This can take many forms but has the capacity to take many positive forms. This means that as you continue to reflect, take care of yourself and grow, others around you could also be taking notice (unconsciously or not) and be given the permission to do the same. At the very least, continue to give yourself permission to show up in ways that feel healthy for you.